Calvin: It says here by the age of six, most children have seen a million murders in television ..... I find that very disturbing! It means I've been watching all the wrong channels!

Calvin: I'm a genius, but I'm a misunderstood genius.
Hobbes: What's misunderstood about you?
Calvin: Nobody thinks I'm a genius.

Calvin: Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.

Calvin: Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.

Calvin: Sometimes when I'm talking, my words can't keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we think faster than we speak.
Hobbes: Probably so we can think twice.

Calvin: The worst part is that I don't even have the fun of doing the things I'm getting blamed for.

Calvin:In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.

Calvin: Do you believe our destinies are determined by the stars?
Hobbes: No.
Calvin: Oh, I do.
Hobbes: Really, how come?
Calvin: Life's a lot more fun if you're not responsible for your actions.

Calvin: Reality continues to ruin my life.